God Help Me

Hello All!

Apologies for the long hiatus from this space.

I think I want to take this short time I have left before leaving for Pasir Ris MRT station to just share about the last 5 weeks in National Service.

It hasn’t been easy to serve a nation where my immediate family is about 6000km off-shore. And it is harder when you face a mild culture shock being one of the eldest in your army company with a different educational background.

Life has been different. After 6 days of field camp, you start to see things differently. You don’t see clean running tap water the same way again. You don’t see a urinal unit or a toilet bowl the same way again. You also won’t see piping hot food the same way again. I’ve learnt to cherish the many things we take for granted from day to day. Even a cold shower is a blessing.

I know that during the short month so far, I have been built up physically and mentally against pain barriers. We are taught to not know of pain any longer. We are taught to focus through distractions and understand that giving up is not an option. It’s tough and it’s brutal.

I wake up every morning to cold breezes and vulgar commanders. I tell God each day to help me tame my tongue in an environment as such. There are many expectations to meet, politics to dodge and people to please. It is not much different from a Manhattan office.

But I ask myself this question: “Have I fallen back spiritually?” It’s a difficult question to answer because how do you qualify “fallen back”? If it is the lack of reading the Bible, then yes. If it is the lack of having godly fellowship between men, then yes. If it is not being able to attend church on a regular basis, then yes. But if it is not relying on God from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, then no. Each moment, to pull through from training to training, I can only lift my eyes up up to the sky and say, “God, help me.”

Ah wells, it’s only another 4 more weeks before I get posted to another unit. I’ll try to update more regularly. In the mean time, have a great week ahead while I go back into the jungle again. Haha. All the best to those having exams!